


Democracy in the Uncharted Territories

by icepixie



Category: Farscape
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-01
Updated: 2002-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-03 15:33:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icepixie/pseuds/icepixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Blue and 1812 for captain! VOTE YELLOW!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Democracy in the Uncharted Territories

John, Aeryn, Chiana, Sikozu, D'Argo, and Rygel had all managed to come together in the mess hall for a meal. In retrospect, this might not have been the best idea, but at least Granny and Scorpius weren't there, too.

Events of the past several days had led to the disheartening fact that they were once again reduced to food cubes. However, as they were passing stacks of the square, brown lumps around the table, D'Argo stopped everything with a "What the frell is this?"

The food cubes had caught everyone else's eyes as well, with the exception of Rygel, who was busy wolfing his share down as fast as he could.

Etched onto the top of each cube, in yellow, red, and blue, were the likenesses of the DRDs Little Blue and 1812. Underneath them were the words, "Blue and 1812 for captain! VOTE YELLOW!"

"John," Aeryn asked after a moment, "did you have something to do with this?"

"Hey, don't look at me," Crichton replied. Everyone continued to stare at him. "Y'all, this is *not* my fault!"

At that moment, the DRDs in question rolled into the mess hall. Between them, they were carrying a poster with much the same design that was on the food cubes. As they plastered it on the wall (albeit very *low* on the wall), 1812 began playing its signature tune.

"John," D'Argo said after a long pause. "Would you care to explain this?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's not my fault!"

* * * * *

Of course, none of the intrepid crew was going to be shown up by a *DRD*, so everyone (again excluding Granny and Scorpius, who had their own motivations elsewhere) threw their hat in the ring as a candidate for captain.

The campaign trail was short, bitter, and plagued with mud-slinging. Okay, the only physical fight was between Chiana and Sikozu over some prime poster space on the bridge, but you knew they'd been wanting at each other ever since they'd met.

Rygel, naturally, tried to bribe everyone into voting for him. The only problem was that he had very little to bribe anyone with besides food cubes and the promise of real estate on Hyneria once he deposed his cousin. Generally, he landed on his backside after a flying kick from whomever he was talking to propelled him from his or her quarters into the corridor.

Barely three days later, none of the candidates were speaking to each other. They were, however, individually talking to Scorpius, who spent the time locked in his cell cross-stitching, helping Martha Stewart write "Leather 101: How to Design, Make, Wear, and Clean All-Leather Outfits," and making up witty campaign slogans for each candidate.

Privately, Scorpius thought the election was a load of dren, since he could take over any time he wanted. He hadn't already only because the writers hadn't figured out what to do with him yet, and because seeing the democratization of what should have been a military process* amused him in much the same way as watching insects attracted to a bug zapper.

* i.e. "My stick is bigger than yours, thus I am captain"

* * * * *

Finally, the day came. Solemnly, each passenger and each DRD came into Pilot's chamber and told Pilot, the only one who could keep track of it all, whom they wanted to see as their leader. Barely a day later, the results were tallied, and Pilot gathered everyone in his chamber. The results were read as follows:

John Crichton: 1  
Aeryn Sun: 1 (At which point there was a short scuffle between the human and the Sebacean, which ended with a muttered "Sorry, babe.")  
Chiana: 1  
D'Argo: 1  
Sikozu: 1  
Dominar Rygel XIX: 1  
Little Blue and 1812: 468,927

1812 immediately struck up his inner band. The other DRDs beeped and clicked happily as 1812 and Little Blue bounced their eyestalks together in what could loosely be construed as a high-five.

It was, understandably, a little hard for the others to grasp that two DRDs were now their captain. Of course, that does not excuse the violent behavior exhibited by D'Argo, Sikozu, Aeryn, and Rygel, and they are awaiting trial in DRD night court for mutinous assault.

Little Blue's and 1812's first actions as captains were to pull Granny up to the front of the gathering in Pilot's chamber and publicly chitter something that Chiana translated as "Thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" Sikozu asked, suspicion coloring her tone.

"I was their campaign manager," Granny explained blithely. With a proud smile, she continued, "The food cubes were my idea. Cute, aren't they?"

* * * * *

John, Aeryn, D'Argo, Chiana, Sikozu, and Rygel are all awaiting trial in DRD night court for mutinous assault on a friend of the captain.

John's statement in his defense consists of "I told y'all, it WASN'T MY FAULT!"


End file.
